It’s well known that vaginismus can affect self-esteem and confidence, cause anxiety, impact relationships and more.
Many women think they need fixing, but they don’t. They’re not broken.
Vaginismus is a condition in which the muscles in the vagina involuntarily tighten, making penetration difficult or impossible.
It can happen before or during sexual intercourse, gynae exam, when trying to insert a tampon, etc.
When a doctor diagnoses vaginismus, the underlying cause can be due to various reasons and for many, the cause can remain unknown.
Nowadays, there’s plenty of information about vaginismus. There are online support groups, professional podcasts and accredited websites that provide excellent information.
The Mind
Suppose there’s no medical or physical reason for vaginismus. In that case, it’s psychological, which means working on any underlying issues before anything else, like shame, guilt, embarrassment, lack of confidence, inaccurate or self-limiting beliefs, trauma, anxiety, misinformation, etc.
Here’s A Thought
We all have muscles, and for whatever reason, their tone, strength, etc., sits somewhere along this scale.
So, what if we women think about our vaginal muscles differently? Consider this: Many people work on their biceps, triceps, quadriceps, etc., without a second thought. If they're too weak, they strengthen them by exercising. If they're too tight, they think about relaxing and then do what makes them relax, for instance, a warm bath, massage, etc.
So, why should we think about our vaginal and pelvic floor muscles any differently? Vaginismus requires a multifaceted approach to encourage the mind, brain, and body to work together. Sometimes, it might even need a collaborative approach. I work alongside GPs and other professionals if required.
Psychosexual Therapy
Why seek help for the psychological aspects associated with vaginismus? Well, it allows any underlying issues to be addressed. It’s an opportunity to examine sexual belief systems, attitudes, likes, dislikes, communication styles, etc. It’s not just about establishing or reestablishing sexual intimacy.
If you’re struggling with vaginismus, why not take the time to get to know YOURSELF? Vaginal dilators and having sex can wait until you’re ready. Appreciate who you are and even get to know yourself, as well as gain an understanding of your genitalia, which is exceptional; for instance, did you know the clitoris is solely for pleasure? How amazing is that? Even having an orgasm through self-masturbation has a whole host of health benefits.
In Other Words
Have an open mind and focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. Therapy shouldn’t be miserable; it should be something you look forward to because you’re transitioning from where you are to where you want to be. You’re reinventing yourself. Self-care is about mental and physical health and well-being, and sexual health is a beautiful part of that. Remember, we are the sum of our parts, and each part is FANTASTIC.
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